Posts tagged faith

So much to say..

I feel as though I am going to burst..

 

How do you know when to speak? How do you know..when to spill what you are thinking.  

that each person is intricately made.. that God saw them as he made them.. 
That he felt joy in putting every feature and ..every part in place.  That there was no one else 
that would walk the earth that would bring the same smile to his face.  

These are things people need to hear.  
That we are made to struggle and succeed, that we are made to give endless love, and never feel empty.
Everything that we can be..  The gifts and qualities instilled in us from the beginning.. waiting to be brought out.  

I think about the people who know me for who i am.. who know so much of me.  
How have we developed this amazing capacity to love?

Tonight, i feel ready for life.  I feel calm, motivated and grateful.  
No, not everything is where or how it should be.. but that doesn’t mean its 
all gone to shit.  

It just means there are more opportunities to make something worthwhile.  
How much better does it feel to really earn something, to work for it..
 

Wholeness, growth, life, enjoyment, commitment, passion, giving, love, God. 
I believe in these things.   

 

There is purpose in life.. and we should live it as such.

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Who will love you?

So my friend Andrew recommended this song to me:

Skinny love by Bon Iver.
And its a very different song, but I quite like it.


The song makes me a bit sad.  Here are some of the lyrics.

Now I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?

and I thought..”hmm..who would love me at the end of it all?”

Now I wasn’t entirely sure of the meaning of the song..what each line meant o
was referring to. But that last bit hinted that there are some people that push away so much
or lie so much..or play so many games…that at the end, there wont be anyone willing to love them.

Then I realized…even after my worst day of being a human..after screwing everything up again an
again, that I am loved, and I will be forever.

I don’t have to rely on the flippant, flighty love of people. Luckily..there is pure, beautiful love that exists between people, but ..
it sure doesn’t define me, OR make me whole.

*smiles*

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With the cows. Oh, Tradition.

You cannot make a judgment unless you have experienced something from the inside.

Well, you can make a judgment, but maybe not a very fair one.

It is one thing to hear about what groups of people believe…it is another thing to hear people talk about
what they believe…from the inside.

It’s one thing to know traditions exist, and have your own.
it’s another to experience tradition outside of your own.

Its beautiful seeing hard work on a farm.
Its pleasant seeing fresh daisies in a glass jar.

It makes me smile when older men wear suits to church. tradition, or reverence?
I used to not bow my head on purpose during prayer. I thought that someone somewhere had decided that was the “right” thing to do, and has ever since then..enforced it on every young Christian alive.
I am silly.

Now I bow my head in reverence and awe…For my God is so great, and I am so humbled.

But remember, “great” cannot contain him.

Nothing can.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

Content.

I feel this emotion today, as it smells of life outside this old building..and it LOOKs of life outside
this old building. In fact, I don’t know how much longer I can sit in this office
*swivels side to side on rolling desk chair*

I was not built for the office..i was built for the SEA, rocks..eARth..Sky..
disappearing paths into the wilderness, and shacks made of twigs, straw and mud.
I love this city, but sometimes I am unhappy that I have in multiple ways become
child of “the city” the scuttling and materialism and

STUFF.

OH, how I HATE you STUFF. You ruin me.
I miss my brother Joel, for he has taught me how to live freely of ..things..

To paint you a picture. imagine me..holding the word “things”
Its brownish black, and soggy..I pinch it ever so carefully with my thumb and forefinger…pulling it away from my body with a stiff, straight arm. I want to drop it, but its sticky, and no matter how many times I transfer it…it just adheres to the next finger.

I have hope, and I will continue to free myself of these things. Today, it doesnt worry me…

but I am aware of it…and I guess, thats all that matters. Denial is the true thing to fear.

I’ve been reading about how people often say

“I just have to get out of this city”

as if the city is the problem….

Then people often find, that wherever they go, their same problems and character issues go with them, because the problem was NEVER with the city, it was with them.

So HERE is to

dealing with our crap..

to staring it in the face, and knowing that God is GOOD, and FAITHFUL.

He does not judge us for the process.

i want to climb. soon. soon.

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The Answer.

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night
has been unkind.

One of the hardest things in life for me…is to see people struggle on..
through grief, pain, sadness, even joy…without truth.

because…generally that drifting just leaves people helpless…and it makes me feel that way too. Often wishing so badly that God would meet them in that moment of confusion and bring comfort. I know he is always working though, in ways I’ll never truly understand.

But…I’m so tired of watching it sometimes. A play that never really ends…
I don’t want to judge, but there are so many wishy-washy ideas that do nothing
but turn people in circles or back to guilt and shame…back to a defeatist mindset.

Most people would say its Pretension to say “I have the truth”

Its not like I want to impose it and force it on anyone else. Jesus never did that…
He just washed their feet again and again. he served even when he wasn’t being served.

I suppose a gift that is forced and never received can never be fully appreciated, understood, or inserted into daily life…thats the only way that the truth can bring true freedom..

is through acceptance.

bah. All these thoughts from a silly E.R. episode that made me cry.
God can speak through anything my friends…

which is why i think everything we see is a bit more than it seems to be..

Goodnight.

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