I am not defined by what I am not.

I want a hug that says “I know”

I want to be known for who I am, not what my actions display..
because I’ve been wondering if actions really do speak louder than words…in the way we mean that phrase..

Yeah, maybe they speak louder, but does that mean they are a more accurate source?

Is the loudest person in the room the smartest person in the room? I think not.
We are an “of the moment” generation. everything we need is at our fingertips.
Including…what we think is the best source for understanding someone, and analyzing them.

If Person A acts this way, that means they =B …even if Person A says they are C, they are B…because well..
they acted this way, and their actions speak louder than words.

I understand this phrase as a push to better ourselves..to continue down the discipleship path..and hopefully through the grace of God…let our actions be transformed by God’s goodness…

not as some condemning reality that we all must face…that no matter what we say, people will always take our actions above words.
You don’t have to dig deep for Actions. there they are. I think that phrase is used as a lazy tool to categorize people. I lazy friendship device…and I hate how we’ve twisted it all up.
Isn’t the beauty of friendship all in the work it takes to know someone?

The time spent..the pain, fun, happiness, easy times, hard times.  When we take the “right” to judge someone by their actions, and then publicly announce that if your actions don’t line up to your words, then you are “cut off” …my goodness. my goodness.

To quote Derek Webb..if thats the way its going to be..then “I don’t care if nobody loves me, but you”

I once learned about how our actions are just the branches and fruit of our World views and core beliefs.
But..just because your core beliefs may be a bit out of wack, does that mean YOU are out of wack…

Of course not..who was I meant to be? who am I ?

BAh. lets all work a little harder, myself included.

Typing.

Do ever just feel like opening a word document, and just…typing. I love the feeling of my thoughts
rolling off of my fingers without thinking about what I’m typing…

My pure, un-edited thoughts.

I was thinking just now about why on earth I would want to post these random thoughts on a public blog. Some people say blogs are our vain way to feel better about ourselves, and get attention
Over the years, I’ve gained friends all over the world…and I miss them.
and even though I know not even a fraction of those friends read this..

Somehow, by posting this on the web, I imagine that crazy technology will carry my thoughts to them…

I am sitting on the 3rd floor of our office counting books. it is cold, quiet, and it smells like cardboard.
I want to talk to someone, but I’m not sure who.
I feel pensive, but thankfully not depressed, or “woe is me”
I miss lying in the grass and looking up at the stars with someone close.
I want a spontaneous moment of freedom.
I want to be understood completely, and in that..loved just the same.